Why me?

My guess is that many cancer patients struggle with this simple question when diagnosed and/or as s/he goes through some treatment for their disease.  I know I have but not to the point where I MUST have an answer to this question.  Often times I say to myself..."why NOT me?"

I cannot begin to count the number of podcasts, videos, books, articles, people that I have entertained that have taught me something about cancer.  Believe me, I knew NOTHING prior to 2017 about cancer because I really didn't know anyone that was seriously ill with this disease so it never came to my attention.  It actually wasn't until recently that I began to entertain the idea that I had caused my own cancer.  

Oh I know...the doctor, the pharmaceutical industry, etc., etc., wants you to believe that cancer is genetic.  Oops, there was NO ONE in my immediate family who had cancer.  Try to explain that one!  What I have learned...this is a MYTH, a LIE, NOT TRUE!  Only 5% of the cancers are genetically caused.  Heck, there are all kinds of research studies and those with identical twins have shown that if one twin has cancer, it doesn't mean the other will get cancer too!  

We ALL have cancer cells in our body.  It is just a question of whether or not they will become expressed.  Every body cell has a preprogrammed time to die.  A cancer cell doesn't and it will increase in number uncontrollably to form a tumor and other cancer cells will move to other parts of the body (metastisize).  When a tumor that is only 1 millimeter shows on a CT scan, it could have been growing for as long as 6 years and is likely about a million cells "strong".   Other cancer cells can move to other parts of the body but don't show up YET on the scan.

When a doctor, post-surgery says "we got it all", they are mistaken in saying that.  It is highly probable that other cancer cells reside in other parts of the body BUT they aren't big enough to show a tumor on a scan.  I remember sitting across from my oncologist in 2017 with two friends present at the meeting to record/hear what he was telling me (highly recommended to have someone with you in these meetings).  He used the language of "stages" and indicated that I had stage 3b ovarian cancer.  Heavens, I didn't know what a "stage" was.  He continued and explained that this meant that I had evidence of cancer on my ovaries (other places in the female region, come to find out) BUT that I also had a small mass in my abdomen.  The 3 means that the cancer has moved to another place.  Chances are there are still cancer cells in other places but not enough of them to form a detectable tumor.  (The reason I am attempting to improve my body's "terrain" or "cancer field" to be able to prevent further growth of this disease).

There are usually four stages with 1 being the least of the cancers and 4 being the worst (usually give you an idea of how long you have to live).  Speaking of that..."how long you have to live with this stage and type of cancer"...why would a person tell you that!???  It is all based on statistics and I AM NOT a statistic!  Good grief there are tons of stories about people surviving and having quality lives with a stage 3 or 4 diagnosis.  Telling someone how long they have to live with a stage 3 or 4 cancer is like defeating them from the get-go!  

Well, thankfully or not, my doctor (I don't think) told me how long I had to live with this cancer.  Over the course of two years, he told me more than once that "I am going to take care of you".  Come to find out, his nurse practitioner told me the truth during my second round of chemotherapy.  I asked her how long I would have to continue chemotherapy and she said that I would likely have to have the maximum doses I was receiving "the rest of my life"...that they treated cancer as a chronic disease and this was the standard of care treatment.  She was so matter of fact about it and I was just floored.  What the heck????

Oh by the way, you get nausea, headaches, ringing in the ears, skin rashes, decreasing eye sight, neuropathy (pain, tingling, numbness in the fingers and toes), brain "fog", etc. as side effects of taking the cisplatin (platinum drug) and paclitaxol that I was receiving BUT you will still be alive!  BIG HAIRY DEAL!  Life sucks if you feel sick all the time BECAUSE of the toxic drugs they are pumping into you and that they NEVER expect you to do without!

I might have gotten a bit off track here...my initial point/direction I was heading was...  I can do something about my cancer.  IF it isn't genetic, which would make it out of my control to heal, then 95% of cancers (mine included) can be "helped" by decisions within my control.  So, WHY NOT ME?  I had made LOTS of decisions over the course of my lifetime that have led to my present circumstances.  IF this is true, then I can make different choices to help myself in recovering from it!  If I contributed to my disease, then I can contribute to healing!!👍😁

What have I done to contribute to my illness?  Hmm, let's consider diet!  For many years, while living in Bluffton, I used to walk to the movie theater and get a big tub of popcorn and then watch and approve/disapprove of the amount of butter "soaking" the popcorn.  I loved those days of buttered movie theater popcorn.  Or maybe it is all the years of drinking black iced tea every day.  I have tried Starbucks, McDonald's, Panera, etc. iced tea and I can tell you which I favor.  For the first 19 years post-college, I always added several packets of artificial sweetener (probably pickled my liver!).  I have since gotten away from that and drink it straight black.  There are other examples but I will stop while I'm ahead!😆. 

How about environmental factors that can lead to cancer?  I spent many an hour in the spring, summer, and fall mowing lots of lawns.  So, I was always around the noise of the devices used AND sniffing the exhaust and fuel that were a part of these work experiences.  What about hair dye?  I always hated gray hairs and so as they started popping up in my 40's, I started dying my hair.  Pretty toxic dependent on what you choose to use.  (now I'm just happy to have a head of hair!😂). How about air quality in the home or work place?  Drinking/cooking/bathing water????  Cell phone usage?  Electric blankets?  Do you know that cancer has been linked to how close/far you live from an airport?  I've lived quite a few years near one.  How about near/far from an electrical tower?  Or, near farm fields where pesticides/herbicides have been spread???

The list goes on...BUT, how we eliminate even some of these environmental factors is within our choosing.  We CAN make changes that will benefit us.  The same holds true for choices about food we allow into our body.  It's meant to nourish us BUT can easily support the growth of cancer cells.

I am hell bent on making changes that contribute to my healing.  All of us can.  Just because you don't have a cancer diagnosis doesn't mean you shouldn't do everything in your power to PREVENT cancer from becoming a part of your life.  If 1 out of 2 men and 1 out of 3 women will have cancer sometime in their lifetime, don't think it won't happen to you just because you have no one in your family that has had cancer!  Do yourself a favor...learn something from my experience!  Take control of those lifestyle and environmental factors that contribute to disease!